Now In Theatres

Sex In The City (Aka "Just Another High Fashioned Ho in the Hood")-- Sara Jessica Parker's little to big screen project. I'd stick my finger down my throat, but I'd have to waste my lunch.

"Okay! Okay! Don't get the bends. I'm going to take you fast and furious into the deep with this one! " Sex In The City is on my personal boycott list -- up there with Purdue Chicken and Proctor and Gamble products. Since this blog is my personal "4 Reel" space -- here it is. I have a problem with glamorizing blatant promiscuity. In addition, I feel that it is socially irresponsible especially since HIV and AIDS is on the rise.

I know that Sara Jessie is trying to pay the rent like the rest of us, -- NYC brownstones "ain’t" cheap -- but come on girl! Is it worth making a buck at the expense of impressionable young people who already think they are invulnerable to STDs? HIV is still spreading at horrifying rates among young people. Most of them won’t live to see forty (40). The last thing teens (or "butt-headed" oldsters) need is another movie to encourage and validate the “one night stand.”

I feel bad for the guys who only went to see this movie with their girlfriends in hopes that they would get lucky later. Be careful dudes! She might be a "Maury Celebrity!" Remember, you're only lucky if, "You are not the father!" I think people who are sex-a-holics should wear special underwear. When they spread their legs, sirens and red lights should go off. Also, a glow in the dark, toxic waste emblem should appear in their crotch -- the same, but in a smaller version, for "Thong - thong - thong, thong, thongs."

I don’t care what you say to try and defend this movie! "It's Women's Lib. They're in touch with their sexuality, it's fantasy.... blah, blah, blah!!" Be responsible people!! A “ho” is a “ho,” with or without a Prada bag! "Sex in the City" by any other name is "Just Another High Fashioned 'Ho' in the Hood." Be sexually responsible and stop promoting promiscuity like it was musical chairs for God's sake! People are playing "Russian Roulette" with their bodies! Next time instead of going to the movies, take a stroll through an AIDS ward at a hospital. The smell of death and decaying flesh will choke the unbridled libido right out of you!! It's also a lot cheaper than diet pills too!! It smells so badly when the elevator doors open on the AIDS ward, that you can taste it -- for days!!! I give Sex in the City the kiss of death. Don’t see it, don’t rent it, don’t buy it. "Nuff said."

REVIEWS COMING SOON

Don't Mess With The Zohan -- Adam Sandler's latest -- "Oye" Wait for the DVD
Get Smart
Sex In The City (aka "Just Another High Fashioned Ho in the Hood")-- Sara Jessica Parker's little to big screen project. I'd stick my finger down my throat, but I'd had to waste my $2.00 lunch.
The Hulk -- (Grrrreat)
Hancock -- Will Smith (I'm excited about this one. Not just because he's my Philly Homeboy. I'm going to an advanced screening)

IN THEATRES NOW

KUNG FU PANDA:

"SKEEDOOCH" Yeah for PO-POWER!! Finally an animated action hero chiseled from real folk -- one who appreciates that you're nobody until you have your own action figure! The voice talent of Jack Black comes alive in the grotesquely obese Panda Po. His dreams are realized when he goes from Kung Fu Master groupie to the next Kung Fu master and prophesized Dragon Warrior. However, in the fashion of art imitates life, he is under estimated. Master Shefoo, animated by the voice talent of veteran actor Dustin Hoffman, tries his best to discourage PO. Later Shefoo has an epiphany and realizes that power doesn't come in expected packages. Likewise, PO realizes that true power comes with faith in oneself. In other words, use what you have, not what you dream of having.

What I like about this storyline is that some of the protagonist's allies are also females. Two of the five Kung Foo Masters are female -- Tigress and Serpent. In addition to being a total Kung Fu “badaaz,” Tigress follows in the footsteps of Fa Mulan, the iconic female heroine. Alright, expect Kung Fu Tigress' ringing your door bell next Halloween. I wouldn't be surprised if little girls trade in their ballet tutus for a gee -- "Skeedooch!" Angelina Jolie voices Tigress. I believe Lucy Lu was Serpent. The incomparable Jackie Chan voices another character. However, he takes a back seat in the marketing junkets and you don't even know it's him until the credits. In truth, I can’t remember whether he was Monkey, Crane or Cricket. But it doesn’t matter who played whom. Like Mike Myers in “Shrek,” the characters have a life of their own without the conscience recognition of their high profiled voice talent.

PO the Panda does all us Lo Mein eating, couch potatoes proud. I've always said that Fat-Fu was a legitimate marshal art form. I’m going out to get my spare tire and upper arm flaps registered as lethal weapons. I might have to use them on the next person who cuts in front of me on the KFC line. "Skeedooch! “How ya like me now! Take all that fat-a-tat-tat!!” KUNG FU PANDA -- LUV-DED-DIT!! I give this one 5/5 SMOOCHES! See it, see it again and buy it when it comes out on DVD for your library – whether you have children or not.

ANTICIPATED on DVD

THE BUCKET LIST:
I am eagerly awaiting this one on DVD! I went to see two of my favorite veteran actors, Morgan Freedman and Jack Nicholson in "The Bucket List" when it came out on the large screen. I loved this movie. Once you ignore the fact that the back-story is about the main characters on the precipice of death by cancer, the story is genuinely endearing and at times, many times, laugh out loud funny. Without giving the entire storyline away, the main characters, played by Freedman and Nicholson, meet when fate brings them together as roommates in the hospital. Sean Hayes, formerly the "flaming" Jack of the popular television sit-com "Will and Grace." plays Nicholson's deadpan assistant.

This was an excellent transitional role for Hayes, who obviously is trying to break out of his pigeonholed character of Jack. Hayes is very believable in his role as the "serious" assistant to Nicholson's billionaire character. Hayes totally takes the viewer away from being reminded of his small screen role in "Will and Grace." Nicholson and Freedman do the same on the big screen. This is largely because the large screen is unkind. Besides knowing Freeman will indelibly be, "Easy Reader," my childhood icon from the Electric Company -- the show that launched Irene Cara -- and, Nicholson plays himself -- he always plays himself in every movie, these two actors are undeniably the poster boys for why you might need Botox -- really, really wrinkled! They have, as may peaks and valleys in their faces as the landscape did in the skydiving scene. (Don't worry, I didn't give too much away. That scene was in the trailers and in television commercials) By the way, that particular scene is a crying good laugh.

Freedman plays a man who had aspirations of being a history professor but, ends up as a mechanic when his college sweetheart, later wife, becomes pregnant. Nicholson plays a self-made billionaire financier of state-of-the art publicly accessible hospitals, including the one he is admitted to. Freedman's character, initiates the "Bucket List." At first, the list is largely esoteric. However, Freedman's' character dashes the list when he finds out that his latest test results number his days to months. Nicholson's character, which earlier got a similar bad report, picks up Freedman's crumbled list. In his usual "I'm Jack Nicholson" style, he proposes that the list should included items that embody a living on the edge "joi de vive." (Fr. Sp?) Overall, I would recommend buying the "Bucket List." instead of renting it. The "wonders of the world" featured in this movie are truly majestic! I laughed, I cried, and I took inventory. I give the "Bucket List” 4/5 SMOOCHES

IN THEATRES NOW

IRON MAN:
All that and a tray of overpriced nachos with cheese! A large screen must see! The CGI was impressive! The storyline was tight! The action and explosions were bona fided and "in your face." The anti-Arab terrorist antagonist choice was a little contrived. However, the writers did find a balance by showing how the terrorists terrorize their own. Some of Hollywood's best movies came out of war - d'jour...And, he's baaaack! Robert Downey Jr. -- from hence known as "Bobby-D-J-R -- has truly made up for lost time! All of the drug rehab and scandals of the past have put Bobby D J R in touch with his inner super hero! Not only was his portrayal of the comic book hero "iron-clad," but it wasn't bad watching those "buns of steel" super sized on the big screen either! I give it 4/5 SMOOCHES!

NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN:
This one wanes a bit from the last movie, but it was good nevertheless -- a merchandiser’s cash cow with all of the new critters. I want a warrior mouse for Christmas. I am glad to see that the woodland creatures were ethnically diversified. The children protagonists of Narnia are a little older, but they return their mythical kingdom without missing a beat. Arrows flying, swords clashing and well ... sparks flying between the Prince and eldest Susie-"क्यू" -- for queen. However, this attraction-tension was tastefully executed -- it is a children's film. The violence, mayhem, and betrayal were more than enough.

The lessons -- and bruises -- of their Narnian past, fuel the protagonist’s motivation. If you have a child with you, the big screen is a must see. Otherwise, wait until it comes out on DVD – the kid’s (and adults) will want to replay this over and over again.
I give it 3/5 SMOOCHES


INDIAN JONES and THE CRYSTAL SKULL:
I just don't know what to say about this one. My expectation for the long, long overdue sequel may have just been too high. The action was great. The storyline had too many "whaa...?" And what’s worse, the big screen shows all. I expected Ford to swing across the screen and flash us a box of "Viagra- Extra Strength” …Colista Flockheart ..."Whaa..." …But, I digress.

The best part of this movie was the passing of the baton to Shia Leboef, aka Indiana Jones Jr (IJ Jr) – Whaa... I didn’t give anything away! The IJ progeny was obvious from the trailers! The young Leboef is interesting to watch. He showed he has dimension to his acting repertoire. In this movie he plays a tough "Greaser" instead of his usual quirky kid like in "Transformers." Leboef is a must watch -- for this movie and career.

This latest Indiana Jones movie breaches plausibility. In addition, unlike other Lucas or Spielberg projects, it left too many unraveled threads. Who were the crazies in the grave yard? Were those Aztec/Mayan zombies in the temple? And if so, how could they be shot and ...killed? How did IJ Jr. get free from a snatching vines? And why didn’t the vines tangle him up while he was swinging? What’s up with the little monkeys? They were funny, but why were they following IJ Jr's lead? What’s up with the ants? Both very, very good scenes, but what’s up? Why was only one crystal skeleton alive/moving? What happened to the Nazi dominatrix at the end? Was that supposed to be "poetic justice" for her? Were the skeleton dudes the supreme court ET style? Was Speilberg alien obducted -- for real or just for reel? In short, I’m going to need the DVD to see if the special features can answer those questions. It wasn’t worth another $10.50 when the DVD will be out in a few months.

In addition, the movie seemed to be an amalgam of classic Indiana Jones meets Close Encounters of the Third Kind. ..."whaa?" Did Spielberg and Lucas, the genre titans, fall short on ideas? At any moment, I expected a cut to Richard Dreyfus, making his mashed potatoes mountain! Overall, this latest Indiana Jones movie was more like a "stay in school, just say no to crack PSA."

A definite wait for the DVD I give it 2/5 SMOOCHES